Learning to listen

Listening is as easy as one, two, three, and is natural, or so it might seem on the face of it.

Let us take breathing as an example of something, like listening, that we do every day without even thinking about it. For those who have experienced yoga or mindfulness practice you will be aware of the view that there is an optimal way to breathe using the diaphragm in a way that supports positive physical health and contributes to a sense of self and wellbeing. So how is this relevant to listening? Like breathing, we often listen on autopilot, without even thinking about whether we are listening effectively or not. This results in building habits that lead to both effective and ineffective practices. Bringing your awareness to how you listen is key to developing your skills so you can make conscious choices to practice listening in different and more effective ways.

The way you listen impacts on your relationships and to what extent you empower and inspire confidence in those around you. The Co-Active listening levels model teaches us that there are three levels of listening. Level 1 (focus on self), Level 2 (focus on the other person) and Level 3 (focus on the other person and wider communication e.g., their body language, tone, emotion). Level 3 is also known as Global listening. Listening to the whole and beyond just the words. If you get stuck in Level 1 Listening, where your focus remains purely on you, what you are going to say next, distractions or judgements, your relationships and therefore the impact of your conversations may be less effective. Without being consciously aware of it, you might be sending unintentional signals others might interpret as lack of care, respect, importance, and belief in their ability and potential.

Listening beyond Level 1, removing distractions, and focusing attention on the other person will help you move to Level 2 and understand why someone has arrived at their decision, behaviour, or action without steering the conversation toward your own agenda and any sense of being right. People are more likely to share information about their thoughts, feelings, and vulnerability when they feel listened to, do not feel judged and have a strong sense of psychological safety. When you listen to listen and not to fix or advise, you create a shared opportunity for others to deeply listen to themselves, providing a space for them to make sense of their thoughts and feelings and to learn and grow.